On maturity continum, dependence is a paradigm of you-you take care of me; you come through for me; you don’t come through; I blame you for the results. Independence is the paradigm of I-I can do it; I am responsible; I am self-reliant; I can choose. Interdependence is the paradigm of we-we can do it; we can cooperate; we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together.
Dependent people need others to get what they want.
Independent people can get what they want their own effort.
Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to archieve their great-est success.
Have you ever heard of private victories percede public victo-ries. As you become truly inde-pendent, you have the foundati-on for effective interdependence. You have the character base from which you can effectively work on the more personality-orient-ed. Perhaps public victories include: teamwork, cooperation, communication etc.
Acute problems of world can easily obscure the chronic chara-cter causes. Understand how what you are impacts every interdependent interaction will help you to focus your efforts sequently in harmony with the Natural laws of growth.
STEPS TO INTERDEPENDENCE
1. Be proactive
2. Begin with the end in mind
3. Put first things first
4. Think win/win
5. Seek first to understand…Then to be understood
As you observe the pattern to interdependence you will disco-ver that all facts in dependence part are private victories while those on independence are public victories.
The little understood concept of interdependence appears to many to smack of dependence and therefore we find people often for selfish reasons, leaving their marriages, abandoning theie children, and forsaking all kinds of social responsibility – all in the name of independence.
True independence of a chara-cter empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It free us from our dependence on circum-stances, and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living.
Life is by nature, highly interde-pendent. To try to achieve maxi-mum effectiveness through inde-pendence is like trying to play tennis with a golf club – the tool is not suited to reality.
Interdependence is a far more mature, more advanced concept. If I am physically interdependent I am self-reliant and capable, but I also realize that you and I wor-king together can accomplish far more than, even at my best, I could accomplish alone. If I am emotionally interdependent, I drive a great sense of worth within my self, but I also recog-nize the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love from others. If I am intellectually inter-dependent, I realize that I need the best thinking of other people to join with my own.
As interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others and I have access to the vast reso-urces and potential of other human beings.
Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They don’t have the character to do it; they don’t own enough of them-selves.