If you worry about what might happen remind yourself of your good experiences
Do you remember those memories of:“People will judge me” “People think i’m weird” “People won’t like me” You don’t have to worry anymore. Try to remind yourself of how you enjoyed party somewhere? How you played football and his boot jumped up with the ball? Any moment that you shared in between your life and realy made a great experience. Don’t feel anxious abou yourself or what you think of how he thinks of you. Just because your mind says something, doesn’t mean that it is true.
Focus on the topic of the conversation to feel less comfortable
Have you ever get stuck in a conversation. You are questioning yourself ‘Am I coming off as weird?’ ‘Does he/she think i’m boring?’ ‘Did I say something stupid?’ ‘What should I say when he/she stops talking? –This make impossible to come out with what to do:
Lets say that you talk to the person. She tells you “I just come from a trip to Berlin with some friends so I’m about Jet-lagged!”
NEGATIVE thoughts would conclude; “Oh! Shes travelling the world with her friends, she is much cooler than I am, she’ll wonder what I have done and then I seem boring in comparison”
POSITIVE thoughts would remind yourself of the topic and end up developing simple questions like: “What did she do in Berlin? How was the flight? What does she think about Berlin? How many friends was she there with?” Remember: You don’t have to ask all these questions, you seem too questionative and making her feel bored. Just pick a few!
To not run of things to say, refer back to something you talked about.
For instance you were having conversation and suddenly a silent mood dominate, what will you do? Like for example she endep us saying: “So thats why I decided to go with the Blue files instead of the grey one”. OK cool. Refer back to something like this i.e “Did you get time to study yesterday?” “How was last weeknd?” “What was it like in connection? I recommend you refer back to what you talked about or even the last time you met. For instance, you meet your friend who is from appartment hunting, then you can ask him: How was your appartment hunt going on?
To put a social mistake into prospective, ask yourself if a confident person would care
In my experience confident and sociaally savvy people say as much “weird” things as anyone. It’s just that confident people “worry -0- metr” is less sensitive and they simply don’t worry about it. If an awkward moment for nervous person feels like, the end of the world, the confident person just doesn’t care.
Nervous people – Think that everything they do needs to be perfect while Confident people – Know that we don’t need to be perfect to be liked and accepted.
Infact, saying the wrong things from time to time makes us human and more relatable.
No one likes Mr. Or Ms. Perfect. Ask yourself this the next time you beat yourself for what you said:
“What would a confident person think if they said what I just said? Would it be abig deal for them? If not, its probably not abig for me either.
Dare to say stupid things to learn that nothing bad happens
After consultation with the expert or some above our level, we often feel comfortable than before. We tend to assume that we have been stupid things all this awhile. Some therapy was done whereby, People who overthink are instructed to make conversations with therapists and constantly try to NOT censor themselves. Sometimes they say things that feel like the end of the world to them. But after hours of conversation where they force themselves to try not to filter words, they finally start feeling more comfortable. The reason is that their brain slowly “understand”that it is OKAY to say stupid things every onxe in a while becausw nothing bad happens. Everyone does it, but only anxious people worry about it. Its worth it to say stupid or weird thing everyonce in a while in return being able to express yourself.
Remind yourself that people don’t have to like you.
We don’t need others approval to thrive. Remember this isn’t about alienating people. It is simply a countermeasure aganaist our brain irrational fear of being judged. Just focus and you can make it if you try it.
Here is the irony: When we stop searching for peoples approval we become more confident and relaxed. That makes us more likable.
See rejection as something good: a proof that you have tried
Rejection is inevitable part of life. If you never rejected means you never take risks. I feel rejection as a proof that you have to take risk and make the most out of life. When I faced it, something changed in me. When someone turned me down, I knew I had atleast tried.
The alternative is worse; NOT trying, letting fear hold you back and never knowing what could have happen if you tried.
Don’t see rejection as a failure. See it as evidancr that you’ve taken risk and made the most out of life. You never have to wonder “What if I’d asked…?
If you blush, sweat, shake etc, act normal and people won’t know its because you’re uncomfortable
Do you still worry about What people will think? This will get you nervous and moreover start shaking, sweating or blushing.
Shaking: Have you ever had a conversation and your freinds mouth is shaking? I try to assume “maybe thats how she is” or maybe “she’s feeling cold. But sometimes thats not even the case.
Blushing: Have you ever been shy infront of agroup of people? Do they recognise you’re blushing? How do they respond? Sometimes its our fear that haunts it or unfamiliar things that surround us.
Sweating: When I spent time with a close friend and I see him sweating, sometimes tend to imagine maybe they are warm. But the truth of it may be uncomfortability.
If you talk on like normal despite blushing, sweating, shaking etc. People will have no clue if you do it because you’re uncomfortable or for any other reasons.
Anxiety is easier to handle if yiu accept it instead of pushing it away
If you try to push the anxiety away, you will soon realize that it doesn’t work. As a result, you start obsessing about and become more uncomfortable from the time to time its a perfectly normal response to situation.
People can’t see that you are uncomfortable even if it feels like that
It feels like people can see how nervous we are, but they cant. Many people believe thay will appear nervous to those who are watching. Research has found that audiences can’t pick up on your anxiety as well as you might expect. Psychologist have documented what is called an ‘Illusion of Transparency’ Those speaking feel that their nervousness is transparent, but in reality, their feelings are not so apparent to observes. Just knowing about The Illusion of Transparency makws us more comfortable.
Know that you stand out less than you think
In a study students were instru-cted to wear T-shirts with a celebrity on it. They were asked how many of their classmates had noticed what celebrity they were wearing. To our estimations predictions we acquired 70% while the actual ones were 48%. We overestimate how much we stand out in a group. In reality people pay less attention to us than we think.
Take ownership of your flaes to be more comfortable in your self
Are you worried about your looks? Then here is my experience:
I once had a big nose. It got me worried that I won’t get a girlfriend. At somepoint Ivrealize that I had to learn to own everything about myself, especially the things that I didn’t like.
Even if there are things about yourself that aren’t perfect, then you have to learn how to embrace your flaws. It is there with you. You can’t avoid it. Love yourself in simplicity. This is NOT being a prick and say “I don’t need to change because poople should like me for who I am.” As humans we should strive to be better. Thats how we grow. Butwhole we work toward being a better version of ourselves, we should own who we are in each given moment.
Staying abit longer in uncomfortable situations builds confidence
You don’t have to run away. Lock yourself up in aroom. Turn off the TV or increase music volume of earphones to avoid uncortability like critism, gossip or even fear of getting distracted. Here is the reason: “When we escape an uncomfortable situation, our brain believes that everything went well BECAUSE we were able to get away. In other words, the brain never learns that those situations are nothing to bw e afraid of. Whenever you feel uncomfortable, remind yourself that you are doing something good. Rather than avoiding uncomfortable situations, practice staying longer in them. After a while, your brain will realize, “wait a minute, nothing terrible ever happend. I don’t have to pump stress hormones anyway” This is confidence – building in the making.