News that polygamy is now legal in Kenya is good news to most men. African men are wired for polygamy. Monogamy is a pipe dream. The few who pretend to be monogamous are actually ‘closet polygamist’. The rampant cheating, the numerous ‘wild oats’ and secret parallel families say it all.

Menthinks, organisers if Nobel Prizes need to identify those African wazees who ‘invented’ polygamy and reward them posthumously. I mean, without the benefit of degrees in Sociology or equivalents in human interactions, they engineered the conceot of polygamy and pulled it off, rather successfully.

One man taking care of a couple of wives, without any of them antagonizing the others, or kicking a storm out of jealousy and feeding tens of children out of hunting and gathering ( without whining about how badly the economy is doing) was no joke. Those were the good old days. No single incidenr of a man being hauled to a kangaroo court over child support. Nor families fighting over property upon a man’s death. Rain, however, began beating the African man when he welcomed mzungus, who, without proper consultations, began demonizing polygamy and even pushed the joke further by trying to abolish it.

Look, the moment monogamy was shoved down the African man’s throat, relationship between men and women around here became terribly volatile. It’s sad that the African man has been forced into this ‘one-man one-woman’ marriagr arrangement, which resembles a never-ending court case.

Merchants of monogamy have corrupted our women’s minds and now as an African man you are always a suspect of having committed this or that crime, especially cheating. You have to vigorously defend yourself and prove your innocence— daily.

With that monogamy pill in their mouths, African men have bern denied an opportunity to be themselves. While at the local bar enjoying yourself, you’re suspected to be cheating, thus bombared with countless, irritating “uko wapi” and “unafanya nini” text messages.

Woe unto you if you make the mistakes of giving a female stranger lift. God helo you if the stranget happens to be a great conversatiobalist with whom you share stories and laughter, as you boring, sulky wife sits by. My friend, you will have a huge case on your hands when you get home.

“Huh ! (Hand akimbo) who was that woman?Eh, ati just a stranger? Eh, and the way you are talking? Therw must be something, ” she would fume. Before you know it, the argument will degenerate into a fullblown verbal combat, with het sulking for weeks, with access to your conjugal rights denied.

Alternatively, just when you, as a bachelor, are about to mumble,” I do” at a wedding , a baby mama or a concubine will arrive at the scene, complete with a lynch mob, baying for your blood.

And when you, as a typical African man, tiptoes into a lodging with a female friend, perhaps just for a private peck, it never takes a minute before you hear another woman, claiming you, knocking on the door like crazy, screaming blur murder. Behind her, a battery of journalist eager to film you nude.

In a nutshell, the continent teem with unhappy men, masquerading as monogamist during the day, but are secretely polygamist, with a string of secret lovers, complete with chilren sired out of wedlock.


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